Howell, MI, USA

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"We Don't Lick Shoes" Is Apparently Something I Say Now


I have changed so much as a human being since becoming a Mom. I often find myself doing or saying something, then pausing and thinking to myself, "Who am I?!??!?!"

The things that we do as Moms are absolutely bizarre when you really step back and think about it. We are completely unfazed by explosive diarrhea and vomit. We pick noses that aren't ours, and sniff butts to see if diaper changes are needed. We sprout magical third arms to carry IMPRESSIVE amounts of things all at once. We multitask better than anyone else on the planet.

Moms are badasses....(obviously)

But, as Olivia gets older, she is getting sneakier and wiser. She is becoming a little evil genius at this point...So when I walked into the kitchen for LITERALLY one minute, and left her in the living room to her own mischievous devices, I don't know why I was shocked to discover her licking the BOTTOM OF A SHOE.

(^^^Evil genius right here ^^^)

I ran over to her, ripped the shoe from her little fingers and yelled,

"WE DO NOT LICK SHOES!!! YUCKY!!!!"

In that moment I thought to myself, "So this is something I say now?!?!?!"

Great, now my kid is going to contract a disease from the bottom of a damn shoe.. Days are never dull in Motherhood...

Is that really badass though? Asking your kid not to lick shoes? We all know motherhood isn't exactly glamorous... but is it badass though?

I say yes...

I takes a real badass to say something that sounds completely ridiculous to your kid and to not panic when they lick the bottom of a freaking nasty shoe, or if they blow out a diaper, or puke everywhere, or eat a bug.

Moms are definitely badasses....

So in case you didn't know, Mamma, you are a FREAKING BADASS.