5 Ways Your Marriage Changes After Having Kids
With our first year of parenthood under our belts, I think my husband and I are FINALLY settling into our new life as parents. We've been together for 7 years, but we have learned more about each other in the last year than we have in the 6 before that. I swear parenting brings out EVERYTHING... Brutal realities of who you really are deep down as a person, and who you are together as a team....SUPER terrifying... And although some changes may not be what you hoped, as long as you work better together as a team as opposed to apart, you're doing better than you think.
Our relationship has changed in so many ways (most for the better), so here are my top 5 picks for how marriages change after having kids:
1. You Both Have A New #1 Priority
The second Olivia made her dramatic entrance (it really was dramatic as hell), our priorities completely changed. We were now in charge of keeping this living, breathing, human being alive....a human being that is COMPLETELY dependent on us for survival. My husband was no longer my #1 priority, and I was no longer his...It's just a natural progression I suppose... Obviously we still care about each other, but my day to day decisions and choices now revolve around her and not him. It's definitely an adjustment, and there were some growing pains, but we both understand and recognize it. I mean being #2 isn't all that bad right?
2. He Can't Unsee Your Lady Bits And/Or Your Guts
Some people might think this is stupid... but this did change our relationship... at least our intimacy.. I mean... My husband saw EVERYTHING... the good, the bad, and the ugly... He watched our child enter this world, but he also saw me poop on a table, and my Frankenstein vagina after the fact....not to mention all the blood and guts that came out of me afterwards... COME ON PEOPLE, that definitely effects the "sexy factor" of a relationship...My husband SWEARS it doesn't change how he sees me...but I'm not dumb! You just can't unsee some things.. and he's probably scared for life.. but he will still tell me that it doesn't make him feel weird, which I totally appreciate...
3. There Isn't As Much Time For Each Other
This is a no brainer... obviously you have less time together...you've got a tiny evil dictator running around keeping you busy! And let me tell you, Olivia keeps us BUSY... I think this year we've learned that it is all about balance. Taking the time together when we can, and really appreciating it when we get it. We try to get a night to ourselves once or twice a month, which is so nice. Patience is really the key. Knowing it might seem crappy that you can't spend time together as much as you used to, but really taking advantage of the time after you put the kiddos to bed, or on the weekends if you can arrange a babysitter.
4. Catch Up On Sleep, Or Get It On?
This is the eternal battle in our house.. Lord... my poor, poor husband... Between working full time and then being a parent, not to mention life's other obligations.. By the time we get to choose between bedtime or "the right time", I often choose sleep...and I'm sure that more times than not my wonderful husband would hope for the opposite, I know his ass is just as tired as mine... I'm sure he gets frustrated sometimes, but he understands that sometimes it's just not happening!
5. Spontaneity Is Getting A Baby Sitter To Go Out To Home Depot
I have to admit... We don't have a lot of spontaneity these days.. It's hard.. childcare must be arranged, plans have to be made in advance.. We can't just pack up and hit the road on a Tuesday just for funsies..The only surprises I get these days are in a diaper...But I'm okay with that.. I get it... things are different now.. I mean don't get me wrong, we still exchange little surprises here and there, but it's definitely a change since we had Olivia.
So there you have it... While our relationship has changed and evolved so much during our first year of parenting, I think overall we are so much better for it. We both work together for Olivia so incredibly well...sure we drive each other nuts sometimes.. but I know that I could not be who I am, and the parent that I am without him as my partner.
How has your relationship changed since having kids?