5 Reasons Why I'm Waiting so Long to have Another Baby
I feel like everyone I know is pregnant...
It's so funny how pregnancies pop up in groups of like 5,000. There's either no buns cooking, or every single female on my Facebook feed is posting bump shots. I guess it's really true what they say; pregnancy is contagious...Many of the pregnant women that I know are expecting their second and third babies, most of which had their first after I had my little terror.
So what am I waiting for? That is a question I get A LOT. Friends, family, coworkers... Even my boss is trying to find out my game plan so she can plan her next maternity leave around mine... But to be honest, I'm just winging it. My plan is to have no plan, which is WAYYYY out of my normal obsessive compulsive mindset... But I have to go with that plan because I am still a little uncertain about even having another. It's not that I don't want another child... I definitely would like to round out our family with a fourth member...But there are SO many reasons why I'm hesitant and holding off so long...So at this point my thoughts are if it happens, great, and if not, then maybe that's okay too?
Here are the top 5 reasons I've waited so long to have another baby:
1. I want to make sure I don't mess up the one I already have first
I feel like I'm still testing out my first one...I like to think my more responsible side leans on this reason... I need to make sure I'm not gonna screw my first kid up before I gamble on a second... Honestly, as I'm typing this I can sense that most people will think this is a cop out reason... but it is 100% important to me. My husband and I both had great childhoods, but every kid goes through stuff that makes them who they are. I just want to make sure that I don't submit my kid (and future kid(s)) to my "stuff". I want to make sure that I am raising an amazing human who won't be tainted by my baggage... And maybe as I start realizing I've done an alright job, I'll pull the goalie and unpack my hideous maternity clothes....Makes sense, right?
2. Do I really want to be pregnant again?!?!
I'm really sorry to the women who absolutely love being pregnant, but I am not one of you. I was less than impressed with pregnancy... Puking, heartburn, constipation, watching in horror as all your cute clothes stop fitting...Not to mention the nipple stuff... not a fan... I appreciate pregnancy though, and I am truly grateful that I am able to carry children, but I'd be a liar if I said I enjoyed a majority of it. While I will hold on to my maternity pants for the rest of my freaking life because, hello, obviously... I still don't know if I'm ready to sign up for another 9 months of sobriety, especially with a threenager running rabid around my home...I'd actually be fine to give birth again, I mean it sucks and hurts like a b*tch, but it can only last like a few days MAX, not 9 months.. So maybe I should wait until science discovers a way to speed the pregnancy process and just head straight into birth?
3. FINALLY getting down a routine that works flawlessly
After years of struggling to find our new "normal" we've perfected it. Our routine is like a well oiled machine. We've got our work schedules synced up with our child care, which gels perfectly with our family time... It's natural and thoughtless... throwing a new wrench in the plan? I don't know... My anxious self just doesn't know if I'm ready to start from square one again... But I guess now that I type this, it doesn't really hold up as a good reason to wait longer... No matter when we add another babe to the mix, there will definitely be adjustments that need to be made..
4. I'm ready for more adventure
Now that we're out of the infant stage, I'm ready for more adventure! My kiddo is old enough to take trips to the beach and Disney World. She is old enough to stay with her Gigi or Grandma and Papa for a few days while Mommy and Daddy take trips. We FINALLY have a bit of sweet freedom and flexibility.. Am I really ready to give that up? I want to do all the things! I want to live it up as much as I possibly can before I head back to nightly feedings and insomnia. Let me cross a few things off my bucket list before I sign back up for swollen ankles and insatiable hunger.
5. Am I a good enough parent to have more than one?
I guess this might tie back in to my first point, but that just emphasizes my internal struggle. I am such a paranoid parent. I am constantly second guessing myself. Constantly worrying that I'm messing up. Doing the wrong thing. Making the wrong choices. It's unnerving and anxiety provoking. Don't get me wrong, I do have days when I feel like I'm kicking parenting's ass... But most days I do have doubts. It's a weird feeling when you want to be the best at something so bad but there are no clear cut right and wrong answers. Parenthood is literally just winging it 24/7 with the best intentions...
So I guess my main take away from all this (as I typed it this realization hit me) is that I am REALLY over thinking this...I know I am.. which is why I am not longer thinking about it. After I hit the publish button all bets are off. We'll see what happens. If we are meant to have another, it will happen when it happens. Me trying to plan every little thing is making it WAYYY more stressful than it needs to be.
Long story short, I need to chill the f*ck out.
But for real though, How am I going to beat our first pregnancy announcement? For real guys, send me ideas..