Howell, MI, USA

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How To Escape Your Child's Bedroom Like The Stealthy Ninja Mom That You Are


I don't want to brag....but I am a full on escape artist....

It really is an art, and I never realized the value in perfecting it until I became a Mom....

I honestly believe that small children are equipped with superhuman spidey senses at birth. The littlest change in breathing pattern is enough to sound their little internal alarms. That means that as parents we need to be vigilant, agile and mobile at all times.

People that don't have kids might read this and laugh...but if you are a parent....you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about...

So let me cut to the chase... Here is how you can escape your child's bedroom like the Stealthy Ninja Mom that you are...

1. It's All About Timing

TIMING IS EVERYTHING. I think every child has their own time table, but the important take away here is to be aware of what that timing is. I wait just long enough before I prepare for my escape so that my kiddo is asleep, but not so deeply asleep that I can't escape her night time death grip. The indicator that it's go time for me is the moment when my child's pacifier drops out of her mouth. That is the golden moment when I know it's time to pull the trigger on my exit plan.

2. Plan Your Exit Strategy Before Any Movement

I take advantage of our nightly snuggle time by hatching my escape plot while we cuddle. My kiddo starts to relax and doze while I play out exit strategies in my head. Am I going to slither out of this toddler bed and make a run for it? Am I going to finesse my way from the bed to the floor and army crawl? The possibilities are endless. In order to escape unscathed, one must be prepared. You're setting yourself up for failure if you don't have a plan! I learned this lesson a while back the hard way!

3. Don't Make Any Sudden Movements

Sudden movements can completely derail your escape plan. Slow and steady wins the race. Even if it ends up taking me 20 minutes to shimmy my way out of that room, it is totally worth it if my kiddo stays sleeping. I've actually been toying around with the idea of video taping myself sneaking out of my child's room.. that would honestly be cinematic gold...

4. Know Your Route

In my kiddo's bedroom, there are certain spots of the floor that creak. It has taken me a few weeks to pin point all of those spots, but I'll tell you what, now that I know about them, it has been a game changer! I can sneak out so silently, sometimes I even impress myself with how kick ass my ninja skills are. The point is to know your route. Know where to step and were not to step to minimize unnecessary noises. Your child won't hear you screaming their name from across the room while they're awake, but you bet your ass they will hear the littlest floor squeak while they're asleep.

5. Do Your Victory Dance

That's right Mama, do your dance! You pulled yourself out from the trenches. Take your moment. Pat yourself on the back. You earned it. Your catlike reflexes did not let you down this time. That is something to celebrate.

As parents we all have our own ways utilizing our ninja skills. What are some of your tips for sneaking when it comes to your kiddos?

#momlife #kids