The Fatal Flaw of a Mom
Before I became a Mom things were so simple.
(Cirka 2010. I honestly have no idea why I have a bikini on over my clothes.)
I was the center of my own universe. My decisions were based simply on what would benefit me, and me alone. In hindsight I was a very self serving person. I only did things that would benefit myself or have the potential to benefit me in the future. I always thought of the long game. What friends I would need, what job I should have, what financial decisions would push me to the next level on my way to where I ultimately wanted to be.
Then I became a Mom.
It's wild to look back and see how drastic and quickly things changed. I guess hindsight truly is 20/20.
Now, my child is the center of my universe. Actually, not even just her, my family is the center of my universe. Family is everything.
Family. Is. Everything.
Now if you're a parent (if you're not, I'm impressed you're reading a Mom blog), you're thinking, "yeah, and?!? Tell me something I don't know..."
Once you realize family is everything, you become willing to do anything for that family...And I mean anything... Saying I love you. Giving support. Leaving work early on a whim to help someone move. Checking up on someone that you know is struggling. Testing your physical strength to help a family member in need. Honestly, if one of my family members told me they needed me to jump off a bridge, I'd probably jump, because that's just what you do for your family. These are the simple things...
But what about the hard things?
Like pushing your feelings aside to be strong for someone who is feeling weak. Trying to soak up another's pain so they don't have to feel it anymore. Putting someone else's thoughts and feelings before you're own. Trying to be every single thing that every other person needs, not because you have to, but because you want to. Wanting to take every last ounce of pain and sadness, and pull it into your own heart, because you'd rather feel it than watch them feel it.
It's such a loving and kind trait to possess, but it's also a fatal flaw.
At what point is it too much? When do you hit your limit? How do you know when you can't absorb any more? When do you know you can't carry any more weight? I don't know the answer, but I know that I'm struggling to find it.
If I'm being honest, I don't know if I'll ever know the answer. There have been many occasions in my life where I think I can't take anymore on, but I keep trying. I keep pushing.
My heart has been so heavy that I didn't think I could continue to carry it, but I did, and I will, because that's what Moms do.
I guess my point is that while Moms are amazing, badass, ninjas, we are also human. It's okay to feel like you can't do it, as long as you know deep down that you can and you will.
I don't know if any of my rambling makes sense, but hopefully someone will relate to how I'm feeling, because I'm struggling right now. The point of this blog is to make sure no Mom ever feels alone, but right now I'm struggling, and I need to know that I'm not alone.
Can anyone relate?