The Worst Mom Ever.

I am the worst Mom ever....

....Sort of...

Let me start from the beginning...

Today was my day off...well, my day off from work anyway...there are no days off from Mom life...

We woke up like any other day. I went into Olivia's room and got her out of her crib. I changed her and we walked around our upstairs a little. Now that Olivia is walking she loves to wander around and explore. I had also painted our upstairs last night, so I still had painters tape all over the walls. I figured while we were up there I might as well peel it off...

I just wasn't thinking... I thought I was paying attention...

I started peeling tape while Olivia wandered into the bathroom and then to another bedroom. I looked away to peel a strip of tape, then I heard a thump.

...followed by another thump, and another...there must have been a total of 4 or 5 thumps..

I swear to God my heart jumped out of my freaking chest after that first thump.

I ran to the stairs and saw my little baby all the way at the bottom, crying hysterically.

It was like I was on fire. I ran down the stairs to examine my screaming little girl. I started frantically checking her arms and legs...her mouth... her head...

Ugh.. it was the worst feeling in the world. Olivia seemed fine, she stopped crying and started acting normally. She ate breakfast and played as usual...but I was still freaking out inside... You hear about all those stories of kids hitting their heads and then they end up having serious head injuries.. ugh.. Google was not kind to me today... it incited a panic in me like I've never known...

But most of all I was so pissed at myself. I'm so stupid... How could I have let this happen? I'm a horrible Mother. The worst. The absolute worst. How was I going to tell my husband about this? He'd think I'm a terrible Mother. Anyone that finds out about this will think I'm a terrible Mother...I'm going to be crucified for this...for being a horrible Mother...

I spent half the day dwelling on it.

It was eating me alive. My insecurities about my mothering skills were fighting their way to the surface..and in that moment I thought...

"F*ck it."

I was being so negative and critical of myself...that is why so many Moms tear each other down... We are all so freaking hard on ourselves, that we feel the need to tear others down to feel better about our own insecurities.

I am NOT a bad Mom. If I was, I wouldn't have spent half the day freaking the hell out about it, Googling 'infant head injury symptoms', and hovering over my kid like a psycho trying to decide if she was acting "normal" or not.

Did I make a mistake? Hell yes I did... but Olivia is fine, and I learned an important Mom lesson.

I'm probably going to make a million more mistakes. The point isn't to rip myself apart over them, it's to learn from them, and be a better Mom as a result.

So what am I going to do now?

Buy another baby gate for the stairs...