Being a human is hard. Being a Mother can be even harder sometimes... Especially when it comes to the things that we do for our children.
I mean, we've never been tasked with making choices for another person before. There's no test run. No practicing. No three strikes and you're out. It's do or die. The right choice, or the wrong one.
I know it sounds scary, and it is. It is very scary. Especially when you factor in all that damn Mom guilt, not to mention all the things that have happened in your own life (from childhood until now) that shape the choices you make (Oh yes, I mean both the good things and the bad).
It's a lot. A whole lot.
But, as parents, and as humans in general really, we have to continue to build our lives and write our stories. Life goes on right?
I made a mistake today...(spoiler alert: I hate being wrong. No.. actually I don't mind being wrong, that's just life. I hate admitting that I'm wrong..but today, I have to.)
To be honest, I've been making mistakes for a while now. Wrong choice, after wrong choice, after wrong choice. (That last part was really painful to type)
But I promise I've been making those wrong decisions with the best intentions.
The whole purpose of being a parent is to create and nurture a successful, well-rounded person. To guide this person. To help them foster their internal compass. To help them process life around them. It's a tall order. Especially when you've only got your own personal experiences to base all those things off of.
I've been playing a Russian roulette version of this guess and check nonsense for almost 3 years now. Luckily for me I've made some good decisions for my kiddo along the way, but recently I've been wondering if some of the choices I'm making for my child are wrong. Maybe some of my life experiences are skewing my view of the world. My view for her at least... Maybe although I think I'm doing what's best for her, it's actually not, because I'm blinded by my own issues.
Ugh. I sound like SUCH a hot mess.. I mean I totally am... But this is just evidence. 🤷
The point of all this awkward rambling, is to say that I see you. I see the Mom who just wants to make sure that their child never knows hurt, or disappointment, or heartbreak. The Mom who tries her absolute best. Who's intentions are authentic and heartfelt. The one who wants to protect their child from everything, even if some good things get caught in the crossfire.
The point of this post is also to hope that you all see me. The mess of a human, uncertain, highly anxious Mom. I wake up everyday hoping to be a better Mom than I was yesterday. I try to take my own life experiences and turn them into a road map of avoidance for my sweet girl. I don't want her to experience the bad things I've experienced. And I think I do a pretty good job... Most days... But maybe in doing that, I'm also hiding behind my own shortcomings, and actually protecting her from something (or someone) that she doesn't need protecting from...
We're all just out here doing our best. Trying to not raise assholes...
So I'll end this spontaneous and unplanned post by saying:
1. I make mistakes. You make mistakes. We all make mistakes.
2. Almost all things in life can be fixed. Even if it seems hopeless in the moment.
3. When you realize you've done the wrong thing, don't walk away from it.
4. Be understanding and accepting of the people making mistakes around you, even if it's hard.
5. Never stop trying to be a better Mom, because at the end of the day, that's what all of this is about.