Howell, MI, USA

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5 Things I Don't Understand as a Parent

January 15, 2019

Kids have always been an enigma to me... I was never really the "mothering" type. I wasn't even the "babysitting" type. If I'm being 100% honest, I was more like the "what is that small, breathing thing that's screaming over there" type. Thankfully since becoming a Mom I've grown into my mothering skills, but I am still at a loss on a few things when it comes to kiddos....

 

1. Why don't kids ever want to sleep?

I talk about this so much, but I just cannot wrap my head around it.. WHY DON'T THEY SLEEP?!?!?! My toddler would rather act like a rabid beast than take a nap and I will never understand it. TAKE THE DAMN NAP. Take the nap and be a functioning human being. My child and I both know that eventually someone is taking a nap, and I think we both know that that someone ain't gonna be me (as much as I totally wish it was!). Don't fight fate. Take the freaking nap, and let's call it a day. And please don't get me started about the whole "keep your kid up late so they'll sleep in" crock of crap.. Who ever thought that would actually work, must not have kids.. 

2. Why are they starving, but don't want to eat anything you give them?

On any given day I make at least 5 or 6 different meal options for my child. Of those 5 or 6 meal options, my kid eats fruit. That's it. No grilled cheese. No chicken nuggets. No macaroni and cheese. No peanut butter and jelly. No veggies. Just fruit. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled my kid chooses fruit over things like candy or cookies, but really...Really?!?!? Thank God we have a dog who is MORE than happy to eat what my kiddo refuses.. The thought of how much food I waste in a week makes me want to vomit...

3. How the evolution of a child walking is identical to the evolution of zombies in the movies.

My husband is a HUGE horror movie buff, and from time to time, he convinces me to watch movies that are terrifying...Of all these scary movies, I've noticed a correlation between the progression of my toddler and the progression of zombies in horror movies.. they start off so cute and innocent... walking around like drunk people...Slow and uncertain... then BAM! Before you know it, they are chasing you around and biting at your heels like wild animals... It is horrifying..

4. What do they think flailing on the floor is going to accomplish?

Last time I checked, flailing on the floor like a fish DID NOT bring world peace. I know that toddlers aren't rocket scientists, but sometimes I wonder what goes on in those brains of theirs... In what state of mind does throwing a tantrum equate to accomplishing anything? I honestly don't know... 

5. Why do they fight diaper changes?!?

I mean, I haven't done it in a while, but is it enjoyable to poop your pants and then sit in it? Why does it have to be an MMA cage match every time it's time to wipe a butt?!? Walking around smelling like poop is not cute, let me wipe your butt so we can carry on with life...

 

 

What are some things that you don't understand about kids?

 

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