You're probably a Mom if...
1. You want to get the hell away from your kids, then miss them so much it hurts
I'll never understand this phenomenon. Sometimes I just want to be all by myself so freaking bad. I want to ship my crazy kid off to Grandma and Papa's house and be my own human being. So I drop her off, jam to some music all the way home, then walk back into my house alone. I walk into the living room, sit on the couch, then stare at the clock counting down the minutes until I can pick my little psycho up again... Blows my mind...but it gets me every freaking time...
2. You feel guilty about spending $50 on yourself, but not about spending $100 on your them
Why am I wearing dollar store flip flops while my kid has Michael Kors sandals? This chick looks like she stepped out of a page from Vogue Kids while I look like I belong on the People of Walmart Facebook page????
3. You know that Gold Fish crackers pair excellently with wine
This needs no further explanation. Try it folks, your life will be forever changed.
4. Instead of perusing Pinterest for weddings and vacations, you spend hours pinning baby clothes and kid friendly food
I used to spend hours every day planning my wedding on Pinterest. Now I lay in bed at 9PM browsing birthday party themes and tips for getting my kid to eat veggies. Ah, how times have changed...
5. Having a tantrum free outing is the highlight of your entire week
This is so real.. nothing beats the accomplishment you feel after a fit free adventure to Target or the grocery store. It makes you feel like super Mom....until the next tantrum at least...
6. Instead of quoting the latest movies, you know all the words to every Puppy Dog Pals episode
Whatever your kids favorite show is...I feel your pain... I know every song from Word Party. I have nightmares about it. It gets stuck in my head while I'm at work. I can't escape it. We will get through this together, I promise...
7. You honestly believe that stepping on a Lego while barefoot is the most painful thing since childbirth
Damn that shit hurts... I stepped on a Little People person the other day, I thought I got stabbed in the freaking foot. Little toys = parental injuries.
8. You use baby wipes for literally everything
Wiping butts, cleaning the house, taking my makeup off, dusting my car...baby wipes are the Swiss Army Knife of parenting.
9. Your most used phrases are "Don't do that", "You're fine", and "I said no"
I don't even know what else to say about this. I really think I say the word "no" more than I say any other word.
10. You wonder what the hell you're doing at least 10 times per day
I swear, I look around so many times a day and wonder what the hell I'm doing. Especially at the end of the day...I look at my disaster of a house and wonder how I could be so exhausted and nothing was accomplished...Momming is so freaking hard...
Dig these Mom-isms? Stay tuned for part 3 coming soon!