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5 Things I didnt know about Labor before I give Birth

Giving birth is freaking intense... like terrifyingly, yet amazingly intense... Especially when you're going through it for the first time. 

As my husband and I begin discussing the logistics of adding a second rugrat to the mix, I can't help but think about my first journey through pregnancy and giving birth... 

Now that we live in a world where you can Google or YouTube a video to learn the dirty details of just about anything, it's hard to imagine that some people still believe that ignorance is bliss... And as much as I hate to admit it, I am totally one of those people... ESPECIALLY when it came to giving birth... I knew what was going to happen to me would be terrifying (albeit amazingly wonderful), but I decided that I would rather not learn all the glory details beforehand. Why torture myself with my impending doom, when I could put my energy into the good things, like the thought of who my little nugget would look like?? I mean who wants to think about pooping in front of an audience and ripping open your lady bits when you can think about how cute your little babe will be?

Long story short, I made my way through pregnancy blissfully unaware of many of the things that occur during labor and delivery...and when it was go time, I was definitely shocked by some of the bizarre things that occur while bringing a little one into the world... 

Here are 5 things that I didn't know about Labor until I went through it:

1. It's freaking endless

Alright people. I watched the birth video in health class just like everyone else, and I vaguely remember it only being like 30 to 60 minutes MAX... I mean, I knew that labor was a process, but days long??? Nope. Had no clue that was a possibility... So imagine my shock and frustration as I FINALLY approached the pushing stage after a whopping 36+ hours...Then proceeded to push for another 4 hours... What in the actual hell... Labor can last what feels like forever, but obviously it's totally worth it...

2. You can't eat

Remember when I mentioned the horror of being in labor for 40+ hours? 

☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️

Add to that not being able to eat, especially when you are still fully interested in eating for two... Even through all the pain and discomfort, I would've KILLED for a cheese burger. Hell, I probably would have done some questionable things for even just one french fry... Going that long without food is torture after 9 months of "living my best life" as far as food is involved... I totally understand the thought process behind not being able to eat during labor, but damn, a girls gotta eat!

3. It's like a yoga class/ gymnastics meet

My doctor asked me every single visit if I'd taken any birthing classes, and every time I had the exact same response, "Oh, I'm planning to!". PSHT. Lies. All dirty lies. I never planned to take a class, I didn't even think people did that anymore. Isn't that what the internet is for? So imagine my confusion, when I'm instructed to straddle a "birthing peanut"... Or better yet, when a gymnastics-like bar is attached to my hospital bed and I'm taken through these strange yoga-like moves to speed up labor and get the baby into position... What?!?! I was not prepared for any of this madness.

4. The "afterbirth"

As I mentioned earlier, I learned the brief overview in health class. I knew that I would have to deliver the placenta and yada, yada, yada... But what I didn't know, is that it would take what felt like an hour, and that it would involve a lot of pushing and squeezing... I honestly thought I'd push out my kiddo, then push again and it would be done... Nope. Not even close. You give birth, push out the placenta, then have your stomach pressed on and "massaged" until what feels like all your guts are pushed out. I wholeheartedly believe all my "afterbirth" weighed 15 pounds minimum.. So much blood and guts.. So much...

5. First toilet time fears

I have no idea how I didn't know this was a thing, but as soon as the nurses started pumping me full of stool softeners I knew something terrible was about to happen. In hindsight it seems pretty obvious that after birthing a 10 pound whopper, anything coming out of any area down there sounds like a shit show (no pun intended). In all honesty, my first number two wasn't as nearly bad as I thought it would be, I guess the stool softeners that worried me actually ended up doing me a solid... Well, I guess actually a soften??? You know what I mean... If offered, take the damn poop pills. 

What were some things you didn't know about Labor before you gave birth?

Howell, MI, USA

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