To my friends that don't have kids, I'm sorry I'm a shitty friend
This is Emily.
This picture was taken at our 8th grade graduation, circa 2006, about a year after we became fast friends.
Emily is my best friend and Olivia's God Mother. She is a total badass, and we are so incredibly lucky to have her in our lives!
Although we pretty much look the exact same way we looked in that 8th grade photo, (I'm going to take that as we are aging gracefully) that is just about the only thing that's stayed the same between us....
From that moment on, we would embark on completely different life courses. I spent my high school years dating older guys and planning my wedding on Pinterest, while Emily maintained a flawless GPA and focused on her future career goals. I got married and started a family, while she powered through grad school and became a badass pharmacist. She is basically my go to girl for all things drug related these days.. which comes in CRAZY AMAZING handy when giving my kiddo meds... Thanks girl, you're the real MVP.
We somehow always found ways to make it back to each other, and continued to maintain our friendship. Sometimes we'd speak everyday, sometimes we'd speak once a month. No matter how much time passes, we pick up without missing a beat, and we both know that at the end of the day we'll always have each others back.
I promise this isn't a sad story. SPOILER ALERT: We are still best friends, obviously. But.... I do want to say to Emily, and all of my friends that don't have kids for that matter, that I'm sorry....
I'm sorry that I'm never 100% available. I'm sorry that I cancel at the last minute. I'm sorry that I can never come to your place. I'm sorry that when I am actually with you, I'm mentally somewhere else. I'm sorry that when we're out, all I'm thinking about is going home. Most of all, I'm sorry that I can't give our relationship the love and attention it deserves.
Being a parent keeps me spread so thin... I'm always working, or caring for my husband, or making sure my kiddo doesn't mortally wound herself. I'm always grocery shopping, or cleaning the house, or working on projects around the house. I'm lucky if I can carve out an hour of time just for myself, let alone time for my friends.
The friends I have that are parents totally get it. They understand because they are in the same position. They know first hand what it feels like to try to juggle it all and fail miserably. I don't even have to say anything, I can just look at them and they'd know.
But my friends without kids... I mean they are totally understanding and never make it a big deal...And I'm sure they would never say anything... But I still feel SO MUCH GUILT. Yes, they can understand why I am distracted and always busy... But it's still hurtful and frustrating... At least that's how I imagine it to be.
So, to my friends that don't have kids, I'm sorry that I'm a shitty friend right now, but I promise I'll make it up to you. Don't give up on me. I might not be able to give you as much time as I'd like to, but when you have kids, I will be the first one give you advice or help you with any questions you have. I'll be the first one to understand when you have to bail, or can't find time for me. I will support and love you, just as you've done for me.
What is life without friends? I hope I'll never have to find out...
P.S.: Emily, I love you bitch <3