Under Pressure

Today I was informed that humming is a sign of OCD....

....While I was humming...

A complete stranger made the assumption that I was Obsessive Compulsive...

Duh.

Show me a Mom that isn't a little obsessive, and I'll show you a unicorn with a big bag of money hanging out of it's mouth.

As off putting as it was to be completely called out by a total stranger, it got me thinking about why I'm so obsessive.

The only valid reason I could muster was that I use being obsessive as a way to cope with the pressure I put on myself.

Once a woman becomes a Mom, she transforms into this superhuman that gets shit done. Pressure? Psht. There is no amount of pressure that could throw a Mama off her "A" game...

Well.. Most days...

I have to admit, lately I've been struggling. I'm finding myself wondering, is there a limit to how much pressure a Mom can take?

This past weekend was a prime example.

Olivia has been particularly feisty lately.. so feisty, that I actually considered the possibility that she was either possessed by a demon or that there was something mentally wrong with her... I know, I know, that makes me sound like the worst Mom ever, but there is only so much crying and temper tantrum throwing a gal can take.

My husband had to work on Saturday, so I decided to pack Olivia up and take her to my in-law's for some quality time with my Mother-in-law. While Olivia played, my Mother-in-law and I got to talking about life and all the changes that will be happening with our family in the near future.

Ugh, change...WHY??? Change is my worst enemy.. I do not do well with change. Can't we just be cozy and comfortable with the same old same??

Needless to say I started getting anxious... Just going through all the pressures of our life; working, caring for Olivia, maintaining a good marriage, working on myself as a person, maintaining family relationships, keeping the house together...I felt like I was suffocating under all that crap.

While in the midst of an internal mental struggle, Olivia decided it was time to lose her shit. This chick LOST HER MIND. I swear her head turned all the way around.

Olivia was throwing such a tantrum that I decided to take her home. I could tell that my Mother-in-law knew I was close to losing it. She hugged me a little closer than usual when we left, I packed Olivia in the car, and as she screamed while I pulled out of the driveway, I could feel the tears rolling down my face.

And that's what we did.

Olivia and I both cried, the whole way home.

I wasn't even sad. I was just so pissed that I was caving under the pressure. I pride myself on thriving under pressure. This was not me.

Do Moms always get it done? Yes.

Do Moms lose their shit sometimes? Yes.

Is it okay for us to not have it together all the time? Yes.

These are the things that I need to keep reminding myself.

By the time we got home, I had pulled myself together. I looked in the back to find Olivia sleeping. I guess we both just needed some time to get it together.

Another Mom realization for the books.

Until next time, I'll be here humming away with my OCD.

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