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What I Need You To Know

One year ago, I was a freaking disaster.

I had a six month old and had no idea what I was doing. My parents were going through a HORRENDOUS divorce. My family was literally in shambles. I had an extreme case of Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. I was Obsessive Compulsive. I was full of Postpartum Rage. I was a complete mess, and that, quite frankly, is putting it lightly.

If I'm being honest, I was probably at the lowest point that I've ever been in my life. Looking at pictures, though, you'd never know it.

Which blows my mind...

It was supposed to be the happiest time in my life, and instead, it was a nightmare that never seemed to end. Something was always wrong. I was always doing something wrong, saying something wrong, feeling something wrong.

So, I decided to start writing. I also sought out medical intervention, of course. I Still love that little pink pill that helps me feel human again....But, from that point on, I decided to document everything. I wanted every moment captured, so I could look back, and Olivia could even read one day if she wanted to. If I couldn't fully enjoy it in the moment, at least I could look back one day and savor it.

I wanted to be able to laugh at the ridiculousness that I create. Like the time Olivia was mistaken for a boy and I didn't correct the people who mistook her. I wanted to be able to look back at the rough times. Like when Olivia turned one, and my world felt like it was ending, because my baby wasn't a baby anymore.

(This is the photo that made people think she was a boy!)

But ultimately, I wanted other people to read what I wrote, and think "ugh, yes. I remember going through this", or "this is literally my life right now".

I never ever want any woman, wife, or Mother to feel like they are alone in this. We all go through similar experiences. We all laugh. We all love. We all hurt. We all worry. And best of all, we all persevere.

I have failed if one person reading this, or one person engaging with me on social media, feels alone in whatever it is that they are going through.

I want to be the friend you need. I want to be the one you confide in. I want to be the one to tell you that you're not alone. I want to be that person because that is what I needed when I was at my lowest. Hell, it's what I still need. I just needed someone outside of my life to listen. Someone that didn't know me, and that wouldn't judge me. Someone who was completely unbiased.

If you ever want to talk, please message me! Even if it's just a silly story about the craziest thing your kid has eaten lately. Even if it's a story about some mean girl Mom who was a total bitch to you. Even if it's just your boss driving you crazy, or your husband being unintentionally oblivious. I'll even chat wine choices! We can make fun of the ridiculous and obnoxious things we do. I want to listen! I want to get to know you, and I want you to get to know me. The world feels so much less scary when you feel like you've got someone in your corner.

Hell, if you live in Michigan, hit me up. I love play dates that involve wine and the Bravo channel...

Howell, MI, USA

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