Why Does My Child Hate Me?
I carried this child for over 9 months.
I spent almost 3 whole days birthing her. 3 days...3 long, agonizing, and horrifying days.
She was almost 10 pounds. 10 POUNDS. Feel free to use your imagination to fill in all the gory details...
And after all that...
I bring her home, feed her, bathe her, snuggle her...
And she freaking hates me. My toddler just does not like me.
I know, I know, right now you're thinking, "this chick is just being dramatic". But seriously, my kid does not give a crap about Mommy, and I just don't understand it...and it is KILLING me.
My daughter is OBSESSED with my husband. She screams bloody murder when he leaves the room. She runs to him excitedly when he gets home from work. She ALWAYS prefers him to hold her or snuggle her as opposed to me. I'm not even like a back up plan or a second best... that prized position is held by all the grandmas... and then there is me... boring, unlovable, least interesting Mommy...
When I leave..She doesn't shed a single tear. I don't even think she winces. When I get home from work, she doesn't even look over to the door I just walked through. It's like she can sense my "unappealing mom" energy entering the room. If I'm holding her she always points to my husband to take her. It's a real blow to your confidence level when your child pushes you away for another person.. (I'm definitely not bawling my face off while writing this, if anyone was wondering...)
WHAT THE HECK!?!?!?!?!
I mean, don't get me wrong, my husband is amazing and he is the best Dad ever, BUT COME ON. I freaking birthed her, she should obviously love me more!!!!
Okay, I admit that was a little dramatic. But, it just makes me feel so bad that she isn't as attached to me as she is to my husband. I should be the one she wants to be with the most. I should be the one she wants to cuddle with. I should be the one she gets excited to see.
For a while I felt like maybe I was doing something wrong. Maybe I was a bad mom or something. Maybe I lacked the "nurturing" gene, so Olivia couldn't possibly connect with me. I jump to conclusions like nobody's biz. It's one of my not so super awesome mom skills.
After a lot of thought though, I came to the conclusion that I just need to accept and appreciate my husband and my daughter's special bond. Sure I'm a little jealous, but ultimately I know there will come a day when my daughter hates my husband's guts (I'm guessing about age 15-18) and she might just build that special bond with me. I just need to wait it out, and keep in mind that it has nothing to do with my parenting skills.
Easier said than done, but I'm working on it.
Someone please tell me I'm not the only one who is/has dealt with this insane Mommy jealousy and paranoia....And if you have, how did you get over it? I'm seriously buggin over here. This loving Dad more thing is for the birds...